You Carry My Heart
by peetaxkatniss4evr
Summary: Rachel is offered a scholarship to the New York School Of Arts for her senior year of high school except she can't bring herself to accept it. She turns to her fellow Gleeks for answers, but only one ever meant something.


Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or the thinkexist quotes used

A/N: Please read and review! Thank you to all of you that reviewed and or alerted my last story! You all have given me so much inspiration! Hope you enjoy the story!

* * *

She's offered a once in a life time chance and she knows that this is _it_. A scholarship to the New York School of Arts for her audition tape that she knows she didn't put in the mail, but she assumes her fathers did.

She knows she's going to say yes. Of course, she's Rachel Berry and she's always been destined for stardom. She doesn't tell anyone about it, not even her father's mention it which is weird because they are the ones that sent it in. It's strange how she can't bring herself to just send in her reply, something just tells her to wait for _something_. What that something is she doesn't know.

* * *

She waits a week and Kurt's the first person she tells. This in retrospect probably wouldn't have been a good idea considering months ago they were both at each other's throats and he was always at the top of the Glee gossip tree. She thinks that maybe because he was kind of her only friend throughout the last few weeks of her and Finn's relationship that maybe what he has to say will finally be that push she needs to accept the gracious opportunity she's been given.

To say Kurt was exited would be a serious understatement. Rachel, ever the exaggerator, is being completely honest when she says Kurt literally pounced on her and smothered her face in kisses before rambling on and on about how she wasn't to leave until he was with her to pick out new wardrobe for the city.

"Diva, this is amazing! So much to do, so much to plan, a going away party, a list of all the clothes I want from the Alexander Macqueen collection that I _will_ be receiving monthly. Don't pick out anything on your own, while I do admit you have upgraded from your usual granny-kindergartener-esque attire, polka dots were last season and the red shoes are a bit of an overkill." She can't help but laugh, god she's going to miss this. Because really what is a day without Kurt Hummel commenting on your fashion choices?

"That's what Skype's for sweetie," Kurt says and she realizes she's spoken aloud. "I haven't said it enough, but you're talented Rachel. Everyone's only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. And you would have lost it here, because this cow town is _so_ draining. I guess what I'm trying to say is, your gonna do great out there."

It's sweet and perfect thing she and she knows she's really found a friend. It's the best thing he could have said, but it's not what she needed to hear.

* * *

The next person she tells is Mr. Shue. She expects a lecture on how selfish she is to leave New Directions in their senior year when they've finally made it to Nationals and how he expected more out of her. Instead, she's met with watery eyes and a proud smile as he congratulates her and tells her to not forget the little people that she's met along the way.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. You're a great person, don't let New York take that spunk out of you."

All she can do it smile and jokingly think of how weird life is going to be when Mr. Shue isn't there to take away some of her solos. And then of course teach her lessons that will stick with her forever.

* * *

Finn's next and again the response isn't what she expects considering they haven't talked much since their breakup last December. Maybe a pat on the back and a muttered have fun, or cool.

Instead he picks her up, swings her around and gets that goofy grin on his face she is going to miss _so_ much.

"I knew it would happen eventually, Rachel. Go be amazing and just know even though the last few months have been kinda weird, Glee will never be the same without you. You're the bestest."

"Bestest isn't a word," she chuckles. "But, thank you. You'll always have a part of my heart Finn Hudson."

"You too, Rach. You too."

If anything she feels the 50 pound weight she's been carrying on her shoulders these past months get taken off because this was the closure she's been longing for with Finn. It's nice to have, but wasn't what she was looking for.

* * *

The rest of the Glee club's responses are much the same, 'Have fun, we'll miss you at Nationals, check in from time to time.'

She can't bring herself to tell Noah yet. She doesn't know why either because he probably won't care anyways.

* * *

When she tells her father's about the letter, they tell her the same thing they have been telling her ever since she was a little girl.

"If you want to stand out, don't be different; be outstanding."

They must have been conversing with Kurt because they tell her they've been planning her going away party with that nice male soprano friend of hers and to clear her schedule for next week.

She can't tell them she hasn't even sent the letter in yet.

* * *

It's Noah who finds her instead of the other way around. She decides to go on a walk and finds herself on the little park bench near the old Foley house when she hears more than see's his truck stop on the curb of the street.

She's crying already and she doesn't know why. He doesn't even say anything as he approaches, just sits on the bench and reaches for her and shushes her as he runs his hand up and down her arm. "Don't tell me your scared Rachel. New York was where you were headed anyway right? I mean fuck, it came a little early but you're going to be the _shit_ out there." She thinks it means something, how he knows what she was feeling when she couldn't even express it herself.

And this is the moment where everything kind of falls into place. The last puzzle piece finally fits in, the last act complete. She's been in love with Noah Puckerman ever since he sang to her in front of the whole glee club and has never been able to tell him. She won't even now. "I know that, it's just- It's just that there are some things I wish I wouldn't have given up on before I had a chance to pursue them. And I don't know if I can go, I don't know if I can do it…" He wipes a stray tear with his thumb and she trails off.

She stares intently into his hazel eyes, pleading for him to understand what she's saying.

He must see the worry on her face because it's in that moment where he crashes his lips to hers. It means different things, _I love you. Goodbye._ "You're going," he whispers, "even if I have to drag your cute ass down the terminal myself. "

It's bittersweet, really. But, he's given her the answer she's needed. What he said wasn't sweet or sentimental like what Kurt or Mr. Shuester said, it didn't give her a feeling of relief she felt with Finn.

He gave her so much more than that. It was the knowing. The knowing that maybe in some other time in some other place they could've worked out. It could have worked out because she loves him and he loves her.

* * *

She expects him to meet her at the airport like the rest of New Directions did. Except he's the only one missing. Even _Sue_ shows up to tell her maybe New York will straighten her out to be less of an obnoxious wailing seal and more like one Sue Sylvester.

It's heartbreaking except she thinks it's probably for the best.

* * *

Watching Lima from the outside of her window is probably the saddest thing she's ever had to experience. She can see McKinley, the place where she swore the minute she was let out, she would never look back. Is it strange she wishes for just one more slushie to the face? Maybe a snarky remark from one of the Glee Clubbers for stealing yet another solo? A kiss from a mohawked boy who she was never really given a chance with?

She hears someone clear her throat next to her "Is this seat taken?" the voice asks.

She turns and brown eyes meet hazel.


End file.
